
What to Say When Others are Going through Grieving or Tough Times
[Research summary]
December 2, 2017
Editor: Caesi A. Bevis, MBA
Principal, Crisis Coaching
Sheryl Sandberg, Author, recently pointed out in the self-help aisle at bookstores, there is no section on “helping others.” For USA Today, christmas-holidays-four-mistakes-comforting-grieving-friends
“Holiday blues: Four mistakes we make when comforting friends who are struggling” Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant, Opinion contributors Published 7:43 a.m. ET Nov. 30, 2017 | Updated 7:21 a.m. ET Dec. 1, 2017.
Here is a summary of the article, followed by other recommendations from the Internet:
What To Say
- “I know this is hard for you. I am willing to go through it with you.”
- “I know you don’t know yet if you will be okay. I know I didn’t know, either. But I will be with you here and help you pull through.”
- “I didn’t want to invade your privacy or your family member’s. Whatever you want to do, I will understand. No pressure.”
- “All feelings welcome here.”
- “I acknowledge your pain. I am here for you.”
The Best Things to Say to Someone in Grief (Grief.com)
- I am so sorry for your loss.
- I wish I had the right words, just know I care.
- I don’t know how you feel, but I am here to help in anyway I can.
- You and your loved one will be in my thoughts and prayers.
- My favorite memory of your loved one is…
- I am always just a phone call away
- Give a hug instead of saying something
- We all need help at times like this, I am here for you
- I am usually up early or late, if you need anything
- Saying nothing, just be with the person
Ideas for Do’s
- Acknowledge their Pain
- Invite the person over to your home
- Make a meal or drop one off
- Make a playlist of music you think the person might like
What NOT to Say
- “How are you?” (insensitive)
- “Happy Holidays!” (cruel)
- “Seasons Greetings!” (cruel)
- “Cheer up!”
- “Go to the gym. You will feel better.”
- Anything comparing your own situation to their’s. (insensitive)
The Worst Things to Say to Someone in Grief (Grief.com)
- At least she lived a long life, many people die young.
- He is in a better place.
- She brought this on herself,
- There is a reason for everything.
- Aren’t you over him yet, he has been dead for a while now.
- You can have another child still.
- She was such a good person God wanted her to be with him.
- I know how you feel.
- She did what she came here to do and it was her time to go. (May be okay, depending on someone’s spiritual beliefs.)
- Be strong.
Do Not Do’s
- Do NOT offer unsolicited advice.
Tags: bereavement, grief, loss, mourn, what to say
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